Within hours of my January 30 post Ladies, your clock really is ticking: 88% of eggs lost by age 30, I already had two responses, both negative. Seems the information presented in the post, which I had retrieved from The London Telegraph, struck a nerve.
Saturday before the Divine Service, I mentioned these responses to a young friend of mine (late 20′s, married with no kids), and asked her what she thought about it. She said that she didn’t understand why people were reacting so negatively. She also suggested that a lot of women had so swallowed the contemporary myth about education and a career being more important than marriage and family that they could not conceive (no pun intended) of it any other way.
Here’s a third comment from the anonymous “Guest” (I can track IPs), which was posted this evening. I believe that this comment and the others shows the deep conflict of having the God-given natural desire to have a husband and children and not being able to fulfill that desire. In fact, it’s worse: Society fights against that natural desire, and the Church fails to support it. Goodness, we are Kantians, aren’t we?
My comments follow the quote.
Um, thanks for the advice, but from my observations most of the Christian young women in their 20s who are “focusing on their career” do so because it’s the only vocation the Lord has opened for them at the moment.
Yes, they have put off marriage until after college but after that marker they are open, waiting, and trying to remain busy and useful. Spreading information like this is only likely to make a situation already viewed as desperate more disheartening. You would do better to focus on why there is a dearth of Christian men with enough character to be entrusted with the headship of a household. I’m not saying they don’t exist, but the numbers seem to be stacked against the Christian women.
My response:
Let’s look at your argument.
First, you present anecdotal evidence (your observations), upon which you make a theological judgment (for some women, career is the the only vocation the Lord has opened). That’s a very poor foundation.
Second, your argument is a form of the is/ought fallacy. Just because some people “are” single does not mean that they “should” be single.
Third, and closely connected to the above, your argument fails to take into consideration human choice. As such, it cannot explain why a) some women choose marriage and motherhood over a career; b) other women choose both marriage and motherhood and a career.
Fourth, your argument is not derived from Scripture or Natural Law. God does not create special sexual organs for singleness. He creates us male and female for the purposes of procreation and mutual aid. He pronounces that creation “good.”
As far as your accusation that “spreading information like this is only likely to make a situation already viewed as desperate more disheartening,” to be logically consistent you would likewise have to protest warning labels on cigarette packs or child car seats.
If you have any other concerns about fertility issues, please consult your doctor.
Then again, let’s take “Guest’s” last two sentences seriously. Why is there an apparent dearth of responsible Christian men? Aren’t Web sites like eharmony.com helping? What is the Church doing to put men and women together and helping them to stay that way? Where are the sermons on Christian marriage, or those exhorting men to be responsible? I know the Catholics have a marriage initiative. Are there others? Readers?
As the first commenter on the previous post, I thought I'd chime in again. I suppose I did heap my situation onto the original post. My initial reaction wasn't against the science of the matter, which, as you point out is law and knowing that your sins are forgiven even in light of such depressing numbers, doesn't change what sin has done to our bodies. My reaction was against your final remark: "Best to set aside the “it’s better to have kids after college and career” myth right away, don’t you think?" That is when I forced my situation onto that and reacted.
For the record, I would whole-heartedly agree that said myth should be destroyed.
Now that I am married, I can't wait to have as many children as the Lord will bless us with, and neither can my wife!
Weslie, I am really happy for you and your wife! Thank you for sharing.
Just to be clear about things, the "Guest" who discussed the % of eggs left vs. % decline in fertility is not the same as the "Guest" who made this last post.
Thanks! I am able to track IP addresses, the sites visitors link in from, and geographic location. So, to make it short, I can tell that I'm dealing with 3 different "Guests."
Going forward, if you could login to Intense debate or leave a name (real or fictional) in your post, I could keep track even better. Most people will feel more comfortable posting anonymously, which I don't mind. However, if someone registers as a "Guest" and he/she gets snarky or uses profane language, he or she will be cast down to the lowest level of Internet hell.
That being said, I strive to be a gentleman and will never "expose" the identity of anonymous posters, although I reserve the right to re-post their remarks.
Why aren't there enough Christian men to go around? I have no idea, but I do know that what your other guest proposed really is the case. I honestly don't know of any potential prospects- most devout Christian men are already in serious relationships. And in case you haven't noticed, the commitment to chastity until marriage is generally considered insane, and I don't want to be in a relationship where there's going to be pressure to have sex from the second date forward (if it even continues after that point).
The "egg" story didn't provoke much of an emotional response in me, perhaps because I'm young yet and perhaps because I know that I just need to face up to real facts instead of shooting the messenger, but your response to your guest's comment has. I'm already burdened enough in coping with lust and my coveting of my neighbor's boyfriend on a day-to-day basis without someone suggesting that the lack of marriageable men is all in my head and that by remaining a single, career-bound college student I'm sinfully despising God's gift of marriage. (That wasn't a run-on sentence or anything).
Just because God's basic design is for people to marry (and marry much younger than they generally do in our culture) doesn't mean that He has necessarily opened up a way for that to happen. I've prayed very earnestly and have kept my eyes open, but "blab it and grab it" doesn't apply. As far as I can see, the only God-pleasing option for me at this point IS to remain single and prepare for a vocation in the work world- if this scenario really is such a fallacy, I would like you to point out what my options are at this point.
As to what the church can do? I have no idea. Preach Law and Gospel? That's generally a good answer whenever the question "what should the church be doing" comes up.